Thud!. (Discworld Novel 34), Hardback/Terry Pratchett

If you're not an apple, you're a banana'Koom Valley, where the trolls ambushed the dwarfs, or the dwarfs ambushed the trolls, was a long time ago. and at six o'clock every day, without fail, with no excuses, he must go home to read 'Where's My Cow?', with all the right farmyard noises, to his little boy.