What In God's Name | Simon Rich

God is CEO of Heaven Inc. From the Sunsets Department and Geyser Regulation to the Department of Miracles, Heaven Inc has the earth covered. Unless of course someone is away from their desk. But these days, God is kind of disillusioned. He knows he should be keeping an eye on the genocide happening on Earth, but he finds himself drawn instead to watching the Church channels on satellite TV. His first priority is the team of angels he's asked to get Lynyrd Skynyrd back together. Meanwhile, Eliza has been promoted from the Prayers Department to Miracles, and Craig, a workaholic angel devoted to averting accidents, has to show her around. Having totally turned the Prayers Department around, and instituted a system for dealing with the millions of pleas that came in every day, Eliza is shocked by the casual attitude of many of the angels in her new department. And she's even more shocked when she discovers that, despite her elaborate prayer-answering system, God has never looked at, let alone answered, a single one. Eliza is furious, storms into God's office, and suggests that if he doesn't care about the Earth, why bother? 'You're right,' he says, 'I'll destroy Earth in 30 days and open an Asian-American fusion restaurant instead.' So Craig and Eliza, who really care about humans, must come up with a plan to save Earth. And maybe even get a promotion, too.